"”One thing that I’ve always wanted to do ever since I was little. I’ve always wanted to be abducted by a UFO. Yeah, sometimes I just go hang out in the woods. I’m just waiting for that blue light… “Ahh!” That’s how they suck you up by a beam of light, they suck you up by your chest, and that’s not necessary. Throw a rope ladder down, I’ll climb up, I’m interested. I’m here for you. Don’t suck me up by my chest, that hurts. You’re a hovering craft, why wouldn’t I come in and poke around for a minute? It would be great to be abducted. What did you guy’s do this weekend? “Dude, we got hammered, it was awesome.” Ohh yeah? I was abducted. I was zipping around the galaxy.” —Dane Cook: Retaliation"